Saturday, November 10, 2007

Spider Symbiotic Relationship Contract


It is very likely most scientists (and Wikipedia, from whence the following information came, and in whom we trust) will tell you that Spiders fall under the Kingdom: Animalia, Phylum: Arthropoda, Class: Arachnida, Order: Araneae, of which there are 111 families, comprising 40,000 species, including the Suborders: Mesothelae, Mygalomorphae, and Araneomorphae, (whew!...may the spelling Nazis and anal retentives spare me!). That's a heck of a lot of spiders to look through especially if you are looking to identify any particular one.

Of course any child will tell you that there really are only four types of spiders (correct me if I missed any) as follows:

Classification: "Big and Hairy" - Though not indigenous to this part of the country, can be found in some peoples homes where they are kept as pets, and might I add, do qualify as pets, since they are "pet able", wherein fish are not.

Classification: "Long Legged" - best known; "Daddy", the largest of the long legged species, and friends to most children as they rarely/do not bite.

Classification: "Big, Fat Booty" - Spiders, according to children are debatable the scariest, next to the "Big and Hairy", but do "pop" when stomped on, confirming death. Often misclassified as the "Big and Hairy" type by those who are most fearful.

and finally

Classification: "Itsy Bitsy" - Best known from their "water spout" fame, but besides that are generally ignored except when found inhabiting the screen of a window or door, that they seem to confuse with a pre-made web, just the right size for them.

(boy is the spell checker taking a beating).

Of these (except for the "Big and Hairy", as mentioned before), I have many, living both inside and outside of my home. We do have an acceptable symbiotic relationship wherein I allow them to live, and they keep the six legged creatures inhabiting our living area down to a minimum. In many of these cases, training of said spiders has been required in order to maintain a peaceful symbiotic relationship. I would like to mention, that I have found the spiders sharing my living area, as easily trainable, and most cooperative when it comes to sharing a living environment. I would like to point out two spiders, in particular, for showing exceptional wisdom and understanding, and for following the rules of living amongst humans:

To the female spider, of the "Big, Fat Booty" variety, living on my back porch (one of many there, but known to be female for the multiple egg casings laid. See picture above; most cooperative with the camera lens one inch from you, I might add) I would like to say: "I did not particularly enjoy the time when you were maintaining a spot directly over my doorway, though I must mention that you resisted the temptation to jump in my hair while I was locking and unlocking the door." "I must also mention that the time you built a large web right in the walkway, which I walked directly into, and took said web full in the face, did nearly stress our relationship to the breaking point and was not in any way enjoyable." I am glad to say that "the position you have now taken up on my back porch is much more acceptable, and I am glad that we have worked through our previous issues." and finally "Please maintain your present position this afternoon when construction is going on to wrap said back porch for winter, as moving to the outer areas of the porch where the panels are being hung could be unsafe (O.S.H.A. Standards apply)."

To the spider of the "Long Legged" variety that has attempted on at least three occasions to take up residence in my bathroom, I would like to say: " I am glad that you survived the two occasions that you attempted to take up residence in the shower, and chose to exit said shower when I held the shower door open for you, and changed your mind against heading towards the flowing water, as you attempted on both occasions, and might I add, would have been disastrous on your part." I would also like to say "I'm sorry for disturbing you when you had taken up residence behind the bathroom door, I did not know you were there, but must also commend you for leaving when I held that door open for you." "I must say that I am surprised by your wisdom and intelligence in understanding exactly what, 'a door held open for you', means."

To all of the rest of my eight legged, symbiotic partners, inhabiting my living environment, I would just like to say before winter sets in, "Thank you for your on-going battle in keeping our living area clear of those nasty bugs (especially the 'skeeters'), and to your progeny next year, I extend the same 'symbiotic no squish/no bite contract' that I had with you this year, providing walking areas are kept clear of webs, and the shower (due to its inherent danger) is, once again, an off limit zone."

12 comments:

Hope said...

The hubby has, on more than one occassion, tried to convince me of the virtues of spiders. I should stress the word tried since it has yet to work. Since childhood (you can ask my mother about the number of times they thought I was being murdered to find that I had only encountered some variety of spider) I have been terrified of things. He likes to rescue them and set them free while I'm there on the verge of mental breakdown "Kill it! Kill it! If you take it outside it's only going to get back in!" In the absence of said hubby, I have been known to try and get the cat interested in with the hopes that his "play" will put an end to the nightmare. I don't want to get anywhere near it, but neither do I want it skulking around my house either...a dire dilemma. And everyone on our street is probably unknowingly grateful that I wasn't the one in the shower when one fell (or lunged) onto the showering occupant (aforementioned hubby) or they probably would have called the police, quite convinced, that I was being murdered.

kimber said...

Ah, I do love spiders, and I love that they keep the house bug-free. Also, because it rains here most of the time, I dare not incure further inclement weather by killing any spiders, as that would surely flood me out of my home.

Tai said...

'symbiotic no squish/no bite contract'

You made me LAUGH!!!

What a delightful post, Dagoth! Just great.

Spider Girl said...

What a lovely post, Dagoth!

Your beautiful Big Fat Booty spider pic is one of my favourite kinds (golden orb weaver, I think they're called).

As a child I had one of that species (named Dorothy) who built her web outside my bedroom window. I used to feed her bugs sometimes. I like to think we had a good thing going: I got to enjoy watching her build her web, she got free lunch.

Belizegial said...

Happy Thanksgiving Dagoth! LOL Bootiful spider...

Anonymous said...

Just stopping by to wish you a belated Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

BostonPobble said...

You still out there, Dagoth? Hope your holidays were good. Miss you.

kimber said...

Hi Dagoth! Just stopping by to see if you're back, and to wish you much happiness in 2008!

Tai said...

Miss you! Hope all is well!

Anonymous said...

just dropped by to check on you...

Anonymous said...

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