I know I've been absent from bloggerland lately but I've had some extremely important stuff that I really had to take care of (sitting in the lazy-boy watching tv). The fact of the matter is it's the time of year when my "seasonal depression" kicks in, and it seemed to knock me down this week with a vengeance. I am not complaining, my depression isn't as bad as it is for some people, but the fall and winter aren't real good times for me. This is just the time of year when everything doesn't "seem" to work out right for me. I know that everything is ok in my life (or at least no worse than normal) it just seems like it is.
I did try the drugs before but found that I didn't like them very much. I actually didn't like being happy all the time (sounds odd) because I couldn't really trust whether I was happy about something or it was the drug making me feel that way. The other thing I didn't like was the fact that there are some "side effects" that the doctor didn't warn me about, like you have to be really careful about coming off them (even for a day or two) because it can slam you into a worse depression than you had to start with. The other thing they really didn't impress upon me enough is just how bad drinking can be while you are on them (I found they made me want to drink all the time, dangerous if you work in a bar). I have found that just by stopping drinking (stopped putting "a depressant" into my body) that I have been doing much better this year than I have in previous years (maybe that's all I needed).
I spent a lot of time this morning working on a post that I almost lost when my computer had issues (my fault, I made a mistake when I was changing some settings a while back that I forgot to change back when I was done). I did manage to save the post but after working on it for many hours, I decided that I didn't like it, and deleted it. Normally, I don't think I would have been that critical about it or I would have found a way to fix it, but as I said before it's hard for me to be happy about anything right now.
I went grocery shopping and it just seemed like there was nothing I wanted to eat so instead I spent a lot of money and got very little for it. I did manage to get some good comfort foods which included a lovely cherry cheesecake (you can never go wrong with that) and also something that I discovered a few weeks ago, White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Cookies, which seem to have become my latest addiction. I also bought some 'Pulos' Greek Sauce, which I've had before and is not too bad (did I mention before that I love good Greek sauce). I used to have a very good recipe for making homemade Greek sauce, but I forgot to "snag it" before I left the bar that I used to own. I did however manage to get in the line at the store behind the lady that has all the issues (good for me), who’s check won’t be approved by the machine, who has a coupon for everything if she can just find it, and has to have the manager come over so she can tell him how she’s been shopping here for years and has only had the machine refuse her check when she has tried to cash 3 checks at the store before (like she did today) and doesn’t understand why it seems to only do it when she cashes 3 checks on the same day (no I didn’t smack her in the back of the head). The nice smile and the apology of the cashier for it taking so long made everything all right.
On the way back from the grocery store I was following a large truck that had a pair of "blue balls" hanging under it. I've seen more of these lately and I would like to know how guys think that this makes their truck look cool. Are they trying to tell us that their truck has a problem or that they do? I can say that this is a "joke" that I really hope doesn't catch on any more than it already has. It rates right up there in intelligence with the "baby on board" signs (I'll try harder not to hit your vehicle) that by the way I saw one last week (don't tell me they are coming back either).
So now that I have a handle on what's going on I will try to keep up with my blogging more, and hopefully all my posts will not be depressing and just go back to the normal boring type of posts that you are all used to from me...:)
PS: Screw dinner I'm having cheesecake...
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5 comments:
Dagoth, I hope the cheesecake was good :)
If I didn't have little ones to cook for, my dinners would be a lot less grandiose than they are at the moment.
In the meantime, keep on blogging, it is a sure bet to beat the blues.
Take care,
Enid
Sorry to hear you are a bit blue. Seasonal depression is very common. You might want to look into the lights they subscribe people for people during the winter. It seems to help many people and it is drug free.
Don't you fret, Dagoth. We are humans and yes, we've landed on the moon, and yes, we can cure diseases and yes, we have invented microcomputers that can play music through condoms (patent pending - seriously.)
And with all that omniscience and technology sometimes we might forget that we're organic living breathing beings. Flowers drop their blossoms and regrow in the spring. Animals shed their skin and drop their coat and fly thousands of miles every year to nest where they did the year before. The moon phases in and out, the tides rise and fall, and even tiny crabs miles down on the dark ocean floor sometimes leave their shells to find new digs.
We're no different. If you're going through a bit of a new phase, don't be hard on yourself for just accepting it, treating yourself like gold, and letting yourself be sad or mad or down or lazy for a bit. You might just need to drop your skin and you'll emerge shiny and new and stronger and better at the end of it.
If that means eating cheesecake for dinner - you do it. Be good to yourself and lean on your friends...even if they're miles away and in cyberland, they're hear to listen and cheer you on. :)
I once read about a statistical study which determined that no matter what checkout line a person gets into, it will be the WRONG one a certain amount of the time, and it was the MAJORITY of the time. Sigh.
Hey, hope you're feeling better soon, dearie.
Dagoth! Sorry you've been down. FInd the things you like to do - your comforts - and do them! I know what you mean about the meds. I've been off now for a month b/c of insurance and can't decide whether to go back on. Mine are more for evening out my emotions. I have quit the temper it seems when off! But there is good and bad. Sigh.
Hang in there!
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