Irregular News

Well it’s raining, cold, and miserable out so that pretty much means no yard work today. Since I have a lot of things out there I would like to accomplish, I do not regard the weather as good news. But I do know how to make it change. All I have to do is start doing something that I enjoy (like Bloging) and the sun will be shining in no time. I consider this the universes way of saying “Hey!, you’re not getting out of doing work that easily!"

”It’s time for another excerpt from “Uncle John’s Slightly Irregular Bathroom Reader”. This time I tried to scan the pages in and use a program I downloaded from the net to convert them from Jpeg Images to Text. It didn’t seem to work so well. Amongst other things it changed all the “t’s” to “c’s”, and it understands punctuation even worse than I do, if that’s possible. I think I have cleaned up all the errors, but if anything below makes you say WTF!, please understand that this was an experiment, and that my regular writing will make you say that anyways.

More Proof that truth really is stranger than fiction.

PLEASE, MR. POSTMAN...

"A package marked 'Warning, bomb!', 'Now you'll have It!' and 'Look out!' was delivered without a problem by the Swedish postal services. Postal Service spokesman Mattias Geijerstam said Wednesday the agency was embarrassed, but explained that the package was delivered because postal workers were convinced It was a hoax. The package was forwarded to a local shop to be picked up by the addressee. He said workers at the local store read the labels and called police. It was examined and declared bomb-free after It was found to hold a pair of shoes." -Manchester (U.K.) News

KNOCK-KNOCK

"A pair of prisoners at a British low-security Jail escaped - only to knock on a door of a more secure prison nearby and ask to be detained there instead. The two reformed drug users fled from Leyhill prison near Gloucester because they found narcotics too easily available there. Audie Carr, 29, and Benjamin Clarke, 23, were found to be missing at roll call last Sunday night, but by Monday lunchtime they had knocked on the doors of Gloucester Prison 32 kilometers (19 miles) away. 'They wanted to finish their sentences at Gloucester,' a prosecution lawyer told the court."
-ABC News

IT'S AN HONOR JUST TO BE NOMINATED

"Awards World magazine recently sponsored the 'Awards Awards' at London's Dorchester Hotel, handing out awards to members of the British awards-presentation industry for the year’s best awards shows. Awards World editor Barbara Buchanan explained, 'Everybody likes to win an award, even the people who give out awards.' Buchanan (who staged about 1,OOO major presentations in Britain last year) called this year's program a success, but said it is disqualified from receiving any awards at next years Awards Awards."
-BBC News

NO LAUGHING MATTER

"Members of a 'laughter club' in Patna, India, decribed the decision to ban laughing at their local zoo as 'autocratic.' Chuckling was outlawed after Laloo Prasad Yadav, the president of Bihar state's ruling party, was angered by the group 'merrily laughing in chorus' when he walked past them in the Sanjay Gandhi Botanical Garden and zoo. 'You are disturbing the Peace of the flora and Fauna of the zoo,' Laloo reportedly told the group, before issuing instructions to zoo officials to enforce an immediate ban. Laughter clubs, groups of people who gather to laugh loudly in public to relieve stress, are a phenomenon in parts of India."
-The Economic Times

BLOCKEAD

"A U.K. driver was pulled over by police in Surrey when they noticed him driving with a box (with eyeholes) over his head. He told police the foil lining Protected him from the cars electromagnetic emissions."
-"The Edge," The Oregonian

EGG HEAD

"When Briton Malcolm Eccles, 50, died of bowel cancer, his FamiIy turned him into a kitchen aid. In accordance with his wishes, they keep his ashes in a specially crafted glass egg timer. 'I can't boil a soft egg to save my life,' widow Brenda said, 'so he said I should turn some of his ashes into an egg timer. Then he could help me and it would be a nice way of remembering him."
-Wacky News

DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING

"A Chinese pensioner who exercises by walking backwards around a lake had to be rescued after he lost concentration and fell in. China Daily, quoting the Beijing Times, says Yan, 72, believes his daily routine of walking backwards around Bayi Lake is good for his health. But he was apparently counting his steps instead of checking his surroundings, miscalculated, and fell backwards. Three other fitness enthusiasts saved him and took him to the hospital, where he received three stitches on his head."
-Daily Times (Pakistan)

"Hey! looks like the rain stopped and it's actually getting lighter outside"...