I stopped at the store tonight on my way home from work to pick up the girls', "K" and "E", their birthday cards. They are 17 years old this year, they were 15 when I first met them. I don't get to see them as often as I would like. I fear that "seeing me" hurts them, reminds them, not that they could forget. The last time I had seen them was Christmas and I didn't even get a hug from "K" (the hugger) and that was the first time, even the very first night I met them I got that. It must be hard on them that their birthday (they are twins) falls on the half-year anniversary. Do they blame me? DO I blame myself?
I had known their mother for about two years and she never struck me as someone I would date. She just didn't seem to be my type. I ran into her one night at another bar and we sat beside each other the whole night and talked, she made it clear she wanted to see me, and gave me her phone number and address. I thought about it for a few days, and even though I was convinced she wasn't my type I decided to give it a shot. I have to say it wasn't long before I realized I had met my soul mate. The image she projected did not at all show what was really inside of her, we were alike in so many ways; It was truly amazing. I've never been with someone who could be so open to me or that I could be so open with.
We had decided to go on a trip away together to the Adirondack Mountains, it was to be our first weekend away, just the two of us, and she was very excited. She talked about it all the time, and even talked about it in the little notes she wrote me while she was at work. We had planned this for a couple of weeks but that was as far as "the planning" was allowed to go. This was to be an adventure and we were leaving the next morning. Of course it was November and many people told us we were crazy to be taking a trip like that this late in the season, but we didn't care, all we new was we were getting away from there, by ourselves, if only just for the weekend. It was Friday night and I had been waiting a long time for her to show up, but I wasn't concerned because I knew that she had been doing some Christmas shoping, and had to drop her young son at her parents for the weekend, the girls would stay by themselves at her house for the weekend. When I got the call it was almost ten, she had been in an accident around six pm, and was in the I.C.U. of a hospital downtown. The reason it took so long to get a hold of me was apparently a common thing. Men carry their I.D. In their wallets and Women carry their I.D. in their purse, which in a car accident, often gets thrown "god knows where", which makes it more difficult for paramedics to ID women in an accident.
Though I went a little fast, I didn't race down to the hospital, It was a dark, rainy, windy night as November nights often are in this part of the country, and besides they said she was in I.C.U., NOT "being operated on", which must have meant she was going to be alright. I arrived at the hospital about five minutes too late, and the girls came running up to me crying that their mother was gone and I will always remember "K" falling on the floor weeping, and "E" clinging on to me crying as they watched their whole world crashing down around them, and my whole world crashing down as well.
I can imagine "J" thinking about our trip away together as she drove out to the bar after dropping her son off, her mind maybe not totally on her driving as she hurried to get back to me. They told me that the stop sign at that intersection had been bent to the side and with the dark rainy night she probably never saw it.
I hope the girls' like the cards I picked out for them, the card with the "cat" on it for "E" who adores cats, and the "Bad Girl" type of card for "K", which is how she envisions herself, even though nothing could be farther from the truth. I hope they can enjoy their birthday even if it falls one day after the year and a half anniversary of their mother's death; a fact that I'm sure won't be lost on them. I hope they can find peace of mind and understanding on their birthday. But most of all I hope they can find forgiveness.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
I came to your site to give you a little grief over your job (thanks for posting comments on my site), but after reading this, I will definitely let you off the hook. This story is beautiful although sad; it really touched me. And although it had to be hard, I am glad that you shared.
What a terrible tragedy -- I'm so sorry for your loss, Dagoth, and for the loss which the girls have endured. While it's a small condolence, I hope you have many happy memories to temper such a sad one.
I second Kimber...I hope that their rememberances of you are sweet, to counter their sadness.
"Thanks You", the girls' are strong and very intelligent just like their mother was. There is nothing but fond memories for me and I hope in time, when the girls' get through their teenage years, that this will be the case for them as well. For about a month after this happened I "moved into" my girlfriends house and took care of the girls' (and they took care of me) while it was being worked out where they were going to live. A time I will always cherish.
Hope - You can give me all the grief you want as long as you keep posting your poetry...:)
How sad... I am so sorry. It is very kind of you to be so understanding of thier behavior.
Wow. What an incredible loss you have both suffered and survived. After reading this I find myself feeling a whole range of emotions.
I can't imagine how you felt. Being excited and eager to get out of town together and then realizing one of your worst nightmares.
I know it has been a while, but I still offer you my deepest sympathies and a ton of (((HUGS))).
She sounds like she was a remarkable woman. And you, my friend are a remarkable man for stepping up the plate and taking care of the kids until arraingements were made for their care. Most people would be so swallowed with grief the last thing they would want to do would be to help the kids and see their pain and loss an a daily basis while suffering through their own.
You are my new hero.
Seriously.
Thanks Spidey
The children were wonderful to me from the beginning. After the accident the father of her son came forward and took "N" immediately, but the father of the girls never really has. He said because he only had a trailer, and with his wife and newborn child, he didn't have room for the girls. I could never imagine saying I didn't have room for my child (I wanted to beat some sense into him). He still only takes them for his regular visitation on weekends, can you imagine...
The first night the girls were staying alone by themselves at their home, I walked up there after I got done working at my bar. It was about 3 in the morning and they were still up, there were a couple adults there I didn't know and about 4 teenage boys, needless to say I sent the lot on their way, and I moved in the next day. We were together about 3 months before their grandparents had a place ready for them to stay...
I still don't know if I was taking care of them or they were taking care of me, but we grieved and healed together...
Post a Comment