Terminator 1

I've been married twice and this is the story of the first one. I call my marriages T1 and T2 (Terminator 1 and Terminator 2). The very first thing I have to say about both of my "exs" is that they are both good friends of mine. I consider them both to be quite wonderful ("yes, I said that") and I cherish the memories of the times we were together. I feel I was blessed with two wonderful wives, and though it didn't work out, I wouldn't trade our times together for anything in the world. Yes it's kind of rare to have a single marriage that afterwards you can speak of your "ex" with fondness, much less two marriages, but hey those are the chapters of my life.

T1 and I were married at a very young age. This is the main reason that we are not still married now. Her parents were fairly strict and would not allow her to date. I was essentially her first real relationship. The reason we ended up together is my brother and her sister met and got married, and so when T1 and I started showing interest in each other both families accepted it. Not just accepted, but also fully expected that we would get married. I guess we did what was expected of us, but we were young and really didn't know any better.

The marriage was not a bad one; her and I did have the ability to talk to each other, but not in any kind of really meaningful way, not about each other and our relationship. We spent many nights awake, "until the wee hours", chatting about anything and everything. When it came down to views on life, and such, we really saw "eye to eye." When it came down to views on our relationship though, I cannot remember us even talking about it once.

I suppose that if I had to describe my first marriage with one word, it would be "nice". There was little fire or passion, it could almost be described as "a marriage of convenience". We rarely had any fights, and most people thought we were a fine couple. It's not that there were no fights in public, there were no fights in private either, we really needed a "spark" that just wasn't there. When the time came that we decided to get divorced, our divorce was just like our marriage, no fighting, no lawyers, and no bloodthirsty war. We worked out our own divorce by getting books from the library on the subject and did it "mail order" from a county that specializes in such things. My brother and her sister had previously been divorced, in what could be described as, "the bloodiest battle since the battle of the bulge", and since T1 and I had been caught up in the middle of it, we saw exactly "how" we did not want to be divorced. We can both say now that if you have the ability to divorce peacefully, it is definitely worth doing. We had one child in the marriage, and when it came down to the divorce, we decided to put him first, which was really the best thing we could have done.

Near the end (I found out later) she had met a guy who had made all kinds of promises to her of "how it would be if they were together", but after we split (her wanting to be with him), and he got what he wanted, he split as well. Some may call this "comeuppance", but I have no such "Ill will" feelings towards her. Since then many guys have come in and out of her door, including one that did stick around for many years, but as he was a "somewhat psychotic drunk" she would have been better off without him. She tells me that she still loves him (he's dead now), but that she was afraid to leave him, a mentally abusive "story", that tragically, we have all heard before.

During the time she was with him, and I was with my second wife, T1 and I had little communication, really the only time we talked was during "child exchange" when I would take my son for the weekend. My second wife did not like her at all, so T1 and I didn't talk to each other much during that time. Since my second divorce, and her boyfriend passed on, her and I have been talking much more often. This is when I learned about "how he was", things I suspected, but never really knew. She has since got back on the dating "merry-go-round"; I give her credit, though her luck with guys seems to be about the same as before. I haven't heard from her in about three weeks, so she must be dating someone, this is how I know how long her relationships last, she only talks to me, and comes around between them.

She has dropped hints that she would be interested in getting back together again, saying things like she "gave up the best thing she ever had" and that her and I "could go out together", but I haven't really jumped at the idea. Though I'm sure a "closer relationship" with her would be just as "nice" as it was the first time, I don't see where much has changed between us. Don't get me wrong, I have thought about the idea, and it's "not an unpleasant one", we have both "grown up" a lot from the first time we were together. I really don't want to be "a fall back position" and I also would like to have "something more" in my relationship. My last girlfriend, who I blogged about in a previous post, really was my soul mate, and it would be very hard to accept anything less than that. Any relationship I would have now, I could not help but measure up against that, and if it did not meet "those qualifications", I would have to consider it "settling". This has made it difficult for me to start dating again. What are the chances of finding a second soul mate?

I wish T1 all the luck in the world when it comes to finding the right man. I truly hope she can find her soul mate. I know she has "gotten up there in years" and is considered to be "beyond the marriageable years" (what a load of crap!) which is something that worries her. I think she looks better than she ever did, and I don't see why any man wouldn't consider her a great catch. I just wish she could find the happiness that she so desperately seeks, the right man that she is looking for...without settling.