I got done mowing my lawn tonight and really didn't feel like making dinner. Since I had to go to the store anyways, I decided to pick up something to eat. I decided to run through the Wendy's drive through, which I haven't gone to in a while, mostly because it's a little difficult to get to it from the store.
I made my order and pulled up to the window, and there, running the drive through was my girlfriend's daughter "K". Her face lit up when she saw me. I only got to talk to her for a minute, but it sure was nice to see her, and see her so happy to see me.
She thanked me for the birthday card, and told me she "had meant to write and thank me but hadn't gotten around to it." She told me "I should stop down and see them more often" to which I said, "Yeah, I'm a bum." I told her that "I loved her and missed her, and to tell her sister 'E' that I loved her and missed her too."
I wish more than anything that I could have kept "J's" children, but I was just the boyfriend, and didn't really have any parental rights to them. I think "J" would have liked it though. I grew so attached to them when I lived with them, and took care of them for the months after the accident. It hurt so much to see "J's" family, my family, broken apart like that. I miss the girls and her son "N" and of course "J" so very, very much.
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15 comments:
That is really rough. Glad you got to see her though. Even if it was just for a second.
But it's moments like those when you know you are special, too.
A smile is worth a thousand words.
I am not sure what happened to your relationship with her mother. You mention an accident. Did you lose her in a car accident?
It sounds like the kids lost a lot when you were forced to leave the picture. How sad :(
I can't imagine becoming so much a part of their lives and then having no "rights". I know the "logical" reasons behind such things, but like most things, that which is logical fails to take into account much of life.
Thanks guys
Liz - It was very nice, even if only for a moment. I will have to stop in to see them soon.
Tai - Thank You, what a very sweet thing to say.
Spidey - I wasn't forced out of their life, things just don't always work out the way you would like...you weren't reading my blog before so this is what you want to know. http://dagothsdomain.blogspot.com/
2006/05/happy-birthday-girls.html
Hope - I could have fought harder to be allowed to keep the girls, but it was a very hard time to think about fighting anything. In the end we were "convinced" of the logic of the girls going to live with "J's" parents, even though it wasn't what I wanted nor was it what the girls wanted.
I guarantee you that a smile like that only goes to Silverbacks. Even in my mid-thirties, there are smiles that only come for the Silverbacks in my life. There are some benefits to being an Elder.
And sometime, we'll debate mid-40's as being old. ;)
Thanks Pobble
Their smiles are forever in my heart, and they will always be my girls...
I always believed that old was at least 10 years older than you were at the present time, but sometimes the universe likes to shake your beliefs...
It sounds like you were appreciated...
I've often thought that one of the hardest things about breaking up with my husband would be to leave all the relatives/friends/children behind that come attached to that relationship.
Sometimes we make the decisions that we are capable of making at the time...I understand that. It just makes me sad that you guys mean so much to each other and are separated.
Oh Dagoth, I just read the history. I hope if you do blame yourself, you will dig down deep until you are able to forgive yourself and realize there is nothing you could have done. And don't feel guilty around the girls. Seeing them more often might help all of you heal, sharing in the loss of someone that you all cared for so deeply. Heal my friend.
Thanks Guys
Spider - It is a hard thing to wonder how someone's doing that is related to someone you've "lost", and though you may still be welcome, it's never quite the same afterwards...
Hope - I understand "J's" parents wanting their grandchildren as much as I wanted to keep them...
T - I will heal, I will not blame myself, but I will never be the same...
When you lose someone you care about, it's natural to want to hold onto the children who were left behind. They feel the same about you even though they are with their grandparents. Keep in touch with them. It will be to both your benefit. Here is a great quote I came across today...
Our lives begin to end, the day we become silent about things that matter the most....
- Martin Luther King -
Better for them to have so many people love them than not enough, especially after all they went through.
Perhaps this chance encounter will open up future opportunities to reconnect? Stay well, Dagoth!
Thanks Guys
Enid - I think for a time we held on to each other out of mutual need.
Hope - Yes, "J" was much loved and so were the girls.
Kimber - Perhaps...Thank You.
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